An Enemy of the Bottom Feeders
by Bread732
Summary: When SpongeBob sees a problem in Bikini Bottom's new spring system, he must stand up to save the day. But will the majority listen to him? Find out in this daring tribute. No shipping involved.


**I hope you like the story. It's in five chapters, and this is the first.**

**Author's Note: Aside from Clear Water Springs, Bikini Springs is also based on the Oxygen Springs from the PC game Employee of the Month.**

"Dude," said Scooter, eating away at the kelp salad that Gary had prepared for them that afternoon; so far he and Plankton were the only ones over while SpongeBob was out. "It was sure nice of SpongeBob to let us stay over at his house for lunch."

"Yes, yes, could you quiet your yammering?" said Plankton, who was finishing up his piece of kelp, "I have to get on my way back to the Chum Bucket."

As he started to scamper away, he saw, right in the corner of his eye was what looked to be a Krabby Patty. Cautiously, he inched his way towards it, and was about to grab it when

"MEOW."

Gary had walked into the room.

"Ah, hello Gary."

"Meow."

"Yes, well I'm just about heading to work. I AM a businessman."

"Meow meow meow."

"Hey, you think Spongey boy would mind if I borrowed one of these delicious patties here?"

"Meow." said Gary disapprovingly.

"Well it was worth a shot." And with that, Plankton ran to the door, only to be knocked back when it was opened by none other than Squidward Tentacles.

"Hello Plankton."

"Squidward." he said bitterly, none too fond of the snobbish octopus. Then without a further thought he simply left the house.

"Meow."

"Oh, hello Gary." He turned to the fish eating at the table, "Scooter."

"Meow."

"Oh don't mind me. Just passing by."

"Meow."

"No, I won't be having any of SpongeBob's food. Some simple tea and toast at home does just fine for me."

"Meow."

"Wasteful? No, you're not wasteful. Just because you buy new doilies twice a week, you have a new KD TV, and your sponge's library is bigger than the entire pineapple, that doesn't mean your'e wasteful! Where is the little twerp, anyway?"

"Meow."

"Of course, out with Patrick." There was a knock. "That must be him."

"Meow." Gary did not seem to think so, but opened the door with his eyestalk.

"Hey there guys." said Larry, "Sorry I was late. Been working at my new job." Larry had lately become the new editor for the Bikini Bottom Times. It was a demanding job, but he was determined to bring back this news medium, which had been failing in recent times due to both the popularity of internet journalism, and the fact that paper falls apart underwater.

"Let me guess, working with SpongeBob new are you?" Squidward asked, unimpressed.

"Yes, yes, SpongeBob's been writing all sorts of articles to help get us back our old circulation."

"It is quite.. nice, that you can try and bring some.. culture to this underwater wasteland."

"Well thanks Squidward."

"As you know, I've been doing the same."

"Bikini Springs, you mean?"

Bikini Springs was a project that Squidward and SpongeBob had been working on together, an entrepreneurship outside of their regular influence from Mr. Krabs. A tourist attraction and a public spa and pool where people could just relax

"The springs, Larry, our wonderful new springs. They've changed the soul of this town. Mark my words, they will put Bikini Bottom on the map, no doubt about it."

"Meow."

"I would think Sponge agreed." said Squidward, "Business is booming."

"You got a lot of people working too!"

"Right. Give us a good summer, and people will be coming in busloads for a good medicinal bath. I know I have. And with some money going around, people like me won't be stuck with the tax bill!"

"I hear reservations are really starting to come in."

"Every day. Very promising." Squidward was very pleased with himself.

"SpongeBob's article will help too."

"He's writing more for you guys?"

"No, it's one of the old ones we haven't published. You know, recommending the oxygen and tar baths. But I saved it for now in the Springtime, since that's when people make their summer plans."

"Meow." said Gary.

"Well of course he's excited about the baths, it's not like he's making anything off of Old Man Krabs!"

"Well it's more than that. He _created_ Bikini Springs!"

"Well I _never_." Squidward was appalled. "I've been hearing that lately, but I did think I had a certain part-"

"Meow-"

"Well the construction work-" began Larry.

"Well SpongeBob can construct whatever he wants, but let me tell you, _I_ was the one supervising it all. It was _my _money that went into it. Without me, those Springs would be nothing. And I should think that people in _this _house should know that!"

"Meow." Gary was concerned.

"I'll go have something to eat." said Larry, joining Scooter at the table, " Again, thanks for having us over."

"Why is it that people without background can never learn tact?" asked Squidward lowly.

"Meow." said Gary reproachfully.

"Of course SpongeBob and I should work as equals. But some people are just more equal than others."

At that moment a familiar laugh came ringing in. Gary opened the door and in came a jolly SpongeBob SquarePants, "Hey Gary, we got another guest here!" he said, pointing at Mr. Krabs coming in with he and Patrick. "Don't be afraid to hang your coat."

"Um, me boy-"

"Oh. Right." Krabs didn't wear coats. "Go on in, Patrick. You must be hungry after all that ice cream. Now Mr. Krabs, what do you think of the smoked coral Gary's making?" He brought the two into the dining room.

"Meow."

"Squidward!" he gave the other man a quick hug, "It's so great to see you here.""

"Wonderful. Well, bye-"

"Oh come on, have a Diet Dr. Kelp with us! You have those out, right Gary."

"Meow."

"Right, no arms.."

"Soda? Really?"

"Sit down and make yourself at home, buddy. Hey Gary, mailfish come today?"

"Meow."

"No mail? Tarter sauce. So Squid, see the new doilies?"

"Yes, I saw the new doilies."

"Live to the hilt! That's my motto. Anyway, Gary says I'm almost earning enough to pay my share."

"Well you are improving." he said, refusing a Kelp Bar from Gary.

"It was a joke. You were supposed to laugh, like this." SpongeBob demonstrated. "Anyway, once Larry gets here, we'll have a good-"

"He's already here!" Squidward indicated him at the table, "He's printing your article about the Springs or something like that."

"Anyway, once Larry is already here... my article? Well he might want to hold off."

"Now why's that?" asked Squidward suspiciously, "It seems like it'd be good for us."

"Well, normally..." began SpongeBob.

"And what's abnormal?"

"Oh, I can't say. Not tonight. There could be a lot abnormal, or nothing at all. It's kinda tricky."

"Well, you've managed to sound mysterious. Is there anything you're keeping from me? Because I _am_ the self-proclaimed chairman of the Springs."

"I know, Squidward. Let's not get into each other's hair."

There was a pause.

"Oh you know what I mean."

"I don't get into people's hair! But everything to do with Bikini Springs must be handled in a businesslike manner, through the proper channels, and dealt with by the proper authorities. I can't have anything done behind my back."

"Squidward I would never go behind your back."

"You have an ingrained tendency to do things your own way SpongeBob, and that cannot go in a well organized business. People must make sacrifices to make things better for me- I mean for the community. Yes."

"That's true. But how the barnacle does that concern me?"

"SpongeBob, you will never learn. I said it. Good night."

"Oh it's not like that at all!"

"Oh yes it is. Now may I be excused?" he then nodded towards the dining room. "Goodnight Gary, gentlemen." And then left.

"Meow?" asked Gary, coming in from the dining room.

"Burned up." said SpongeBob. What does he want from me? I can't tell him every single thing I do. That's what made him angry last time!"

"Meow?"

"What am I not telling him?"

Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Scooter, and Larry had started to relax by the couch and watch some TV.

"Dude, that salad was totally radical!"

"But Squidward was not so happy today." said Larry.

"He probably just has a bad stomach." said SpongeBob.

"He probably sees our newspaper business as competition for attention." said Larry to Scooter, his assistant editor.

"Oh that's ridiculous. He's just getting lonesome is all." said SpongeBob, "Too much tea. Gary, we need some sodas."

"Meow!" he protested.

"We'll figure it out." said SpongeBob.

"Well SpongeBob," said Krabs, "You've really cleaned up the place."

"He's an alright dude." said Scooter to Krabs.

"Meow?"

"Ah, the Krusty Krab is getting along fine. Got some part time workers to cover the shifts SpongeBob isn't there. As for Squidward, business usually does better when he isn't! Still, that vacation will be just what I need. Off to Bottoms Up Resort."

"You won't be home for the elections!" said Larry, "Squidward's running for mayor you know."

"I don't get mixed up in politics." said Krabs.

"But Mr. Krabs, society is like a ship! Every man should do something to help navigate the ship."

"That might work out in the city, but on board a ship it doesn't work out so well." said Krabs, exasperated by Larry's lack of sailing knowledge.

"Meow."

"Gary, I think you should learn to get the sodas-"

"Somebody ask for a dozen Diet Dr. Kelps?" called out Sandy, as she karate chopped the door open with one hand, and holding the drinks in another, "Good evening, ya'll."

"Sandy! You finally got here!"

"Yeah, held up teaching."

"Sit on down!"

"Oh, SpongeBob, there's a letter sticking out of your mailbox."

"Oh is there?" he turned to Gary, "No mail, huh?"

"Meow."

"Anyway, I'll go get it." SpongeBob scurried out, got the letter, and came back in. "Yup, it's what I was waiting for!" He went into the other room to read it.

"What's that there?" asked Sandy to Gary.

"Meow."

"Wow he's been waiting for days?"

"So Sandy, about that book we wanted you to translate." said Larry, cutting in.

"Oh I've started, but I've been real busy.." she said.

"Teaching evening school?" Sandy had become a teacher.  
"Two hours a night."

"And at Shell High?"

"Five hours a day and a bunch of stuff to correct! I get so wonderfully tired."

"Maybe that's why I always think of you as kind of breathless and... breathless." There was a hint of a blush on him, hard to see with his red cooked skin, but visible all over Sandy's face.

"I don't see the point of all this working." said Patrick, ruining the moment. "What comes of it? Nothing, that's what."

"Maybe if you had a job Patrick, you'd understand." said Larry.

"I do have a job! It's called living under a rock!"

"Right... good luck with that."

"Under a rock rocks." said Scooter, "Doing nothing is the new doing something."

"Scooter," said Larry, you should lay off the sea-"

"Meow!"

"Fine, I'll sit in the corner." said Patrick.

SpongeBob came in then, "There is going to be news in this town, there is going to be news."

"News?" asked Scooter.

"Meow?"

"A terrific discovery."

"Meow?"  
"Yes, that I made. Oh if Squidward was here, then he'd see how we can make judgments like blind rats."

"What's happened, SpongeBob?" asked Larry.

"Our town is thought of as healthy right?"

"Of course."  
"Meow."

"Unusually healthy. A place for all people and for sick people! And the Springs too. And we have certainly recommended it. I myself have written for the Times, again and again."

"Yes, yes, but-"

"The miraculous springs that cost such a fortune to build, it's all been polluted!"

"The Springs?" Sandy gasped, and Gary meowed.

"Inconceivable!" shouted Scooter.

"You know that steam that comes out of the Chum Bucket? It's been polluting the water out behind it, and guess what? We're one block behind the Chum Bucket! This is supposed to be _healthy?_

"Where the oxygen baths are?"

"And the tar baths!"

"How are you sure about this, SpongeBob?" asked Larry.

"I was suspicious for a while. Last summer, people kept getting sick..."

"Meow."

"Yes, Gary. At the time we thought the tourists brought it, but later this winter I investigated the water and... I bottled it up, took oxygen samples, gave it to Bikini Bottom University and..."

"These are the results?" asked Larry.

"This is it." SpongeBob waved the letter.

"Meow."

"Yes it is a relief."

"Well what happens now?"

"We'll have to right what went wrong."

"Can you?"

"If not, the business is useless. Nothing to worry about, I know how to fix things."

"Why'd you keep it a secret though?" asked Sandy.

"Well I can't just mouth off that the Springs are poisoned, Sandy. Everything's gonna have to get fixed. Filtration systems everywhere and the like."

"Well at least they'll know they should have listened to you.." said Sandy.

"I warned Squidward and the others, but did they listen, noooo. Well," he took out a bunch of papers, "This is the report I wrote. Five solid, explosive pages."

"An alright dude." repeated Scooter.

"Right to Squidward and his Board of Directors! I'll put it in the mail tomorrow."

"What's he gonna think?" asked Sandy.

"Well clearly he'll realize what has to be done." said SpongeBob.

"Can the Times cover this? I bet people would love it."

"Well, okay." said SpongeBob.

"The public should be informed." said Scooter, "You'll be the leading dude in this town, SpongeBob."

"Oh, there was nothing to it. Every detective gets a lucky break once in his life."

"The town owes you something!"

"Oh, no no. In fact, if Squid offers me a raise, I will turn it town."

"Meow."

"Well that's just my nature Gary."

"SpongeBob, me bucko," said Krabs, "I hope this discovery brings you great honor and pleasure. And publicity for the Krusty Krab!"

"Thanks friends, thanks. There's one blessing above all. To have earned the respect of one's deep sea brethren. Gary, I'm gonna dance!"

SpongeBob and his friends partied all night.

**Will SpongeBob succeed in fixing the Springs? Tune in for the next chapter.**


End file.
